Hello, my name is Mark Jennings and I would like to tell you a story. It is not a pleasant story but it is true and one that you should all listen to. It could mean the difference between feeling good about yourself, a sense of accomplishment in your twilight years – or - feelings of resentment, anger, disgust and a constant emotional stress for things that you no longer have control over.
It is also a story of mental illness; conditions that we may not immediately recognize and in most instances, ignore or hide from because it’s ‘someone else’s problem’. Or, you may not want to recognize the problem because it’s your daughter, your son or nephew; love is unconditional right? And you have your own issues, you don’t have time to get involved………..until it’s too late.
This story begins with a somewhat normal family of the 1960’s; mother, father, sister and brother. Father had spent six years in the Navy and was in business for himself. A self-starter, motivated, worked hard and managed this business for 40 years. Mother was a perpetual student with degrees in horticulture, nursing and computer science. Mother worked full time from the time her children were in school and continuing well into her 80’s. Sister was ‘oh so beautiful and a genius’ in mothers eyes; the perfect daughter. She was just a sister and daughter to everyone else. And brother (that’s me) short, chubby, crew cut in the long hair age of Aquarius and of course, mouthy as heck.
When brother hit 18, he grabbed his high school sweetheart, married her and joined the Navy never to return. The Navy takes care of brother’s mouth in the 1st few weeks. Smart ass answers were replaced with ‘Aye Aye Sir’. That same year, as father recollects, sister drives off with a ‘drug using boyfriend’, flipping father the bird on her way out of the driveway and calling mother a bi…..ch. That Image forever burned into his memory. He recounts that vision repeatedly over the next 40 years. Mother on the other hand just continues to work, insisting that sister will be O.K., she can go a long way just on looks and intellect alone.
Brother graduates from the Navy after 12 years and works engineering and construction jobs across the country. Brother eventually lands in Washington State. He has three children and is still married to his high school sweetheart. Brother does his best to fulfill his vision of middle class American. Now in his late 50’s, brother has worked hard for 40 years and owns several rental properties, works full time as an engineering consultant and is fattening up his 401K basically getting ready for his own twilight years. Brother has never borrowed a nickel from father or mother and would consider taking their money a failure of character. Brother’s three children are successful in their own right; all are doing (or have done) well in school, have good meaningful employment and are carving out their place in society to be decent contributors to their respective generation.
At age 17, sister disappears for two years and returns pregnant; baby daddy unknown. Mother pays for the birth of first grandchild and pays the rent for sister until social services can provide for sister and child. Sister is perpetually asking for money; she is unemployed and virtually unemployable (no experience limited education). Minimum wage jobs are beneath her superior intellect, according to mother welfare pays better. I remember one conversation with sister during this period; sister buys food with food stamps, returns the food for cash and then buys cigarettes and beer with the cash. The food stamp program won’t pay for those vices; go figure? Mother talks father into buying a car for sister. She needs transportation if she is to ever succeed. Sister acquires several DWI’s, no license, suspended license, no insurance, etc….. arrests and ultimately wrecks the car. Mother and father are sued by one of the passengers (who was drunk with sister at the time) because the car was titled in mother’s name. The legitimacy of the suit was successfully challenged in court; mother and father get the bill. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
Mother purchases a house built in 1865 with money inherited when her father dies. The house is split into two apartments; mother and father become landlords. Sister marries a Vietnam Vet that is a seasonal construction worker. He is known as the local party guy, always inebriated (sometimes alcohol, sometimes other), always the fun guy. Father nicknames the new husband ‘Dull Doug’; the nickname is very accurate. Mother buys the newlyweds a truck and gives money to sister for a down payment on a new trailer in Texas. Mother fills the truck with gas, furniture, dishes, bedding and sundries and bids them adieu. Two years later, sister returns to mother with two new babies plus the first, walking away from an abusive husband, trailer, truck and truckload of possessions. All repossessed, stolen or given away. Mother moves sister into one of mother’s apartments with the three children and again looks to social services to pay the rent and feed the children. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
Sister lives in apartment for a number of years with her three sons and several boyfriends, all of which were considered as having an affiliation with local drug users and drug sales. She never paid rent. I’m quite sure the good people of N.Y. State covered necessities like rent, food and medical expenses for sister and her three sons through various social service agencies. Mother worked hard to see that sister was provided for; mother always reminded brother that she paid taxes for these services, sister should benefit. As far as I know, the boyfriends never contributed but they got free room and board; and of course partied on. I remember one conversation with sister during this period. She recalled watching one of her party friends bleed/choke to death from a burst esophagus. You see her party friend was an alcoholic and his esophagus was weakened through constant alcohol abuse. No one called an ambulance. He died while they were all passed out. What a surprise when they woke to find him dead; I hear the wake was a real party. So finally after a litany of live-in boyfriends, sister meets a new boyfriend with his own house. Sister finally moves and mother can actually rent the apartment to someone that pays full rent. The freeloaders are gone, maybe. After several months with the new boyfriend, sister is arrested along with the new boyfriend. They are charged with transporting narcotics and sales of narcotics; cocaine and maybe a little heroin were involved. Sister served two years in the N.Y. prison system for that and boyfriend a bit longer. And her children, they spent that period with Dull Doug. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
Dull Doug, he didn’t work full time or even part time, he was on the disability; Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). So the good people of the U.S. through the Veterans Administration and Social Security got to pay his keep (and still do). But do you think he was satisfied? No, not Dull Doug, he thought life owed him even more. So Dull Doug opens charge accounts using sisters three children’s Social Security numbers and partied on. Having your credit ruined before your 13th birthday, now that’s a feat. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
That first baby, sister’s oldest son, ended up living with mother and father for a short period (until sister was released from jail) because he was asthmatic. Dull Doug kind of failed as a step father in this respect; he just told the kid he was a sissy. ‘Come here boy; if you smoke this weed and drink this beer, you’ll get better’. Of course mother, as a registered nurse, recognized the problem and worked hard to get N.Y. State Medicaid to pay for the asthma treatments and medications. And when sister was released from jail, she found out that any money she receives from employment, tax returns or owning any ‘real property’ (like houses, cars, motorcycles, etc..) would be garnished to repay that medical debt; how unfair. Sister was very, very angry at mother (and still is) over that. Sister to this day still blames mother for not being able to keep all of her earrings or benefit from a tax return. I remember one conversation with sister during this period. Sister called mother a f…king bi…..ch for screwing up her life like that. Mother should have paid that out of pocket, it was only $3 or $4000, no big deal; right? Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
Living in N.Y. is no longer an option for sister, any money sister legitimately gets (wages, social services, social security) are garnished; can’t own a car, can’t own a house, life is brutal for someone just out of prison. So off to Florida. Mother gladly pays for bus tickets and rent deposits for sister’s fresh start. Sister’s three sons soon follow her south. Sister actually has a job until the economy takes a dump (do you remember 2008?). Sister loses her job and mother sends money to help. Brother is quite sure mother is paying the rent on a monthly basis. Sister’s number one son is sent to a Florida State prison for chronic driving infractions; DWI’s, no license, suspended license, no insurance, etc…..and ultimately is found with illegal substances while driving unlicensed in an uninsured and unregistered car. And just before sister’s number one son goes to jail, he becomes a baby daddy, of course there is no marriage associated with the birth of sister’s first grandchild. Sister’s number one son spends two years in prison where he learns a trade; he becomes an electrician. Thank you Florida Taxpayers, your money is well spent; maybe. Sister’s number two son is also sent to jail in Maryland. This part of the story is blurred because only sister’s number two son knows the real truth. However, I remember one conversation with sister during this period; there were narcotics and uninsured, unregistered vehicles involved. Sister’s number three son isn’t in jail and has a job and a girlfriend; for now. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
While living in Florida, sister discovers she has acquired Hepatitis C. Sharing your heroin needle does have its price. The Hepatitis is very aggressive and sister becomes sick and weak. Through Florida State social services, sister finds a clinic that provides free interferon treatments. Sister completes the treatments but is so sick from the cure she cannot work. Mother fly’s sister back to N.Y. and she stays at mother’s house for the best part of a year. Father is not too happy about this; he still holds that vision, being flipped off by a 17 year old daughter. Father doesn’t speak to sister the entire time sister is there. Father thinks the whole situation is sad and doesn’t know how to fix it; he is regretting his early years as a father, maybe if he had done something different. I remember one conversation with sister during this period. Sister told me that she really hated living there; mother smelled bad (she bathed once a week), father was gross (he had lost a tremendous amount of weight in his later years), the house smelled bad (like old people) and sister had no money. Mother and father were stingy; they wouldn’t even give her a cigarette and beer allowance. Mother worked hard and finally got sister on the disability. So the good people of the U.S. through Social Security get to pay for my sister’s keep. Because father was always stressed out over sister living under the same roof, mother moves sister into one of mother’s apartments. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
Father dies at age 74 (a week before his 75th birthday). Brother and mother are very sad, sister didn’t say much. I remember one conversation with sister during this period. At the internment, one of the Veterans of Foreign Wars attending the funeral presented mother a U.S. flag. Sister said she didn’t understand its meaning; one could not explain to sister the meaning of Service to Country. Terms like honor, integrity, discipline………, they are foreign concepts; and as sister saw it father had none of those, he was gross. Mother, now age 80, works seasonally at a greenhouse. After father’s death, mother’s income is limited to Social Security, her minimum wage earnings, a very small pension from previous jobs and rental income from a two unit rental house; a 150 year old, low income rental house.
Sister has the good life, a social security check coming in, free rent, no children around to mess up her life. Sister parties on with a friend one night and they get pretty inebriated. They start to fight, the police are called and the friend is arrested; disturbing the peace. Friend gets even by telling the police that sister is growing marijuana in the back yard of mother’s apartment. Police return to the apartment and arrest sister for growing illegal substances. Mother pays the bail and sister is release until the hearing. Sister’s number three son breaks up with girlfriend; they were intoxicated in a Texas apartment. Glass is broken, screaming is heard, the peace is disturbed and arrests are made. Sister’s number three son ends up living with sister in mother’s apartment. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
Sister goes to her hearing for growing pot in the back yard and judge pulls sisters previous arrest record. 20 some pages; misdemeanors to felonies. A very impressive service jacket; this is what a lifetime of substance abuse looks like. The judge considers sister a chronic offender and gives sister a choice, rehabilitation (a 12 step program) and probation or jail. Pretty simple. During this period, sister is also taking courses at the local community college. To finish a two year program she needs to stay in the area for another semester so she chooses option one. I remember one conversation with sister during this period. I had asked who was paying for the college courses. She said that mother worked hard to secure at least some of the tuition based on mother’s previous employment with N.Y. State and Cornell University. The rest was from student loans. When brother asked how sister planned on repaying the loans; “oh it’s just a couple thousand dollars, I’ll skip out, their insurance will cover it”. And when brother asked mother about the tuition, she said it was always there, since brother’s graduation from high school. However, since brother had joined the Navy, she thought there was no interest. Remember, sister is a genius in mother’s eyes. Once sister finished her two year degree, she applied for several student loans through the many ‘For Profit’ universities and was accepted at one in South Carolina. She left N.Y. and cannot return, at least until the statute of limitations is exceeded on her outstanding warrant. If she returns, she gets to go to jail; again. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
When sister left N.Y., number three son stayed behind in mother’s apartment and told mother that he would pay the rent. There was never any payment. Every time brother called mother to check on her and how she was doing, mother would tell brother that sister’s number three son would not pay the rent. I remember one conversation with sister during this period. Sister told brother that mother just needs to quit ‘nigering’ everyone; she’s so cheap. Number three son eventually gets into (starts) a fight with the tenant in the other apartment. Number three son ends up in the hospital with a cranial hematoma. The other tenant gets arrested, can no longer pay the rent and is eventually evicted. Number three son recuperates in the apartment, still no rent payment. Mother transport number three son back and forth to care center (50 miles away) for post-surgery and therapy sessions. Number three son now has a permanent mental impairment caused by the hematoma; caused by the fight that he started. Mother worked hard and finally gets number three son on the disability. So the good people of the U.S. through Social Security get to pay for sister’s number three son’s keep. And even with the Social Security coming in, he still doesn’t pay the rent. He has to be evicted. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
Sister finishes a four year degree in South Carolina. She has a bachelor degree in Sociology. Sister did well in her upper division classes and even made the dean’s list. Sister is evicted from here apartment in South Carolina because she no longer pays the rent; there is no money left from the student loans. I remember one conversation with sister during this period. I had asked sister why she wasn’t working or had a job to pay the rent, not to mention those pesky student loans; she has a bright shiny new college degree. Sister told brother that if you weren’t an overweight black woman you couldn’t get a decent job at Social Services in South Carolina. Sister would have to start with an entry level position and work her way up. It wasn’t worth working, she would only get minimum wage. Sister has a degree you know. As far as student loans; “oh it’s just a couple thousand dollars, I’ll skip out, their insurance will cover it”. So mother sends more cash to South Carolina so that sister can rent a new apartment. We wouldn’t want sister living under a bridge would we. Sister has a degree you know. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
When father died, father had left to mother his prize positions, a pair of Porsches. The newer one was a 25 years old Porsche with 12,000 mile on the odometer. Now this car wasn’t a real collector but it did have value. Brother sold that car for mother and received better than a fair price. Mother put the money in a C.D. account. The older Porsche, more Volkswagen than not, was something mother wanted to keep. It keeps her closer to father. Brother visits mother when sister is living in South Carolina. Mother informs brother that she has purchased another piece of property. When brother asks where, mother states that she bought a house for sister in South Carolina. Bother asks about the down payment and mortgage and mother responds; “I cashed in my C.D. and the bank let me sign a mortgage”. Brother is astonished. Father rolled over in his grave. What kind of bank would lend an 83 year old seasonal worker $50,000 on a 30 year note? And you thought the mortgage crisis was over. With this kind of risk, it’s a wonder the whole country did not go into receivership in 2008, or did it? Brother hired a layer and with mothers blessing transferred mothers home and mothers rental property to his name so that if mother defaulted on her new mortgage, the mortgage company could not grab her real property. Mother doesn’t need to live under a bridge. When brother asked mother why she had done such a thing, mother told brother that once sister figured out the value of mothers C.D., she begged, bullied, pleaded, whined to mother that sister had nothing, no place to go and no future. All of the overweight black women in South Carolina had all the good social services jobs and if she had a house and no rent, with her college degree she would have a future. I remember one conversation with sister during this period. When asked about the new house and who was paying the mortgage, sister told me to mind my own f…king business and hung up. Brother no longer talks to sister, only text messages. Mother is now the proud owner of a $250 monthly house payment. Sister has her own house; no rent, no mortgage, no worries. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
Brother worries about mother’s financial status and deposits $1000 per month in a brother-mother joint checking account. Brother tells mother that it’s there if needed, just let brother know if it is used and for what it is used; property taxes, general property repairs, etc… Just don’t send it to sister. At the end of 2014, there should be well over $15,000; or maybe not. Mother has had a string of bad luck with the apartments; the last few tenants had to be evicted. The tenants all benefited from social services and those benefits were halted or dramatically reduced as local and state governments tighten up their belts. One must remember that the property is a 150 year old, low income rental house. Brother does not want to invest in the apartments, but it is still income for mother. Between evictions and repairs, local and state property taxes, the apartments are no longer a profitable and the $15,000 in deposits are now less than $10,000. Brother tells mother that he will sell the apartments in the next year. If she can find renters in the short term, some income is better than nothing. Mother finds new tenants; one is later arrested for selling heroin out of one apartment and the other is a young lady with several children receiving assistance from social services.
Sister’s number one son ends up in N.Y. as an electrical construction worker. Number one son can only find seasonal work in N.Y. so he talks mother into letting him stay in mother’s house for a few weeks, just until the next job comes in. Several months later he is still there and announces he is going to be a baby daddy for the young lady living in the apartments. She will be his second baby momma. Number one son moves into the apartment. Brother is not happy and knows trouble is on the horizon. After the baby is born, social services quit paying the rent. After all, there is an able bodied man living there. After the baby is born, the heroin dealer is busted and number one son is arrested for breaking into heroin dealers apartment and stealing computers and TV’s; allegedly. Mother pays the bail and number one son is set free. Number one son still doesn’t pay any rent and can’t leave the area because of the arrest. Brother finally has enough and lists the property for sale. However, the listing agent will not show the property until number one son is evicted. As observed by the real estate agent; number one son has an anger management problem. Brother, with a smile (a very big smile) on his face, has the number one son and the baby mamma evicted. The apartments sell in less than a month. At closing, brother figures he can get his money back, pay off sister’s mortgage and with any money left, move mother to Washington, closer to brother. This is none too soon because the $15,000 in deposits are now less than $5,000. Between police damage to the house from the heroin dealer, damage to the apartment from uncaring tenants, damage to the apartment just because it is 150 years old, the cost of evictions and unpaid water, gas and electric, it seems that any money that brother gives to mother is eaten up faster than brother can get it to her. Is this the end of our story? Did brother finally figure out how to keep mother out of bankruptcy court and dissolve mother’s financial relationship with sister and her three sons? Of course not, there’s more to this sad story that needs to be told. Sister is still O.K. in mother’s eyes, just a string of bad luck.
When sister’s number one son announces he was to become a baby daddy (for the second time), he explains to mother that he cannot find a job, jobs are scarce in upstate N.Y. But if number son has his own electrical contracting business, he could earn a nice living, just like father. However, no one will give him credit to buy tools and materials to get the work done. He has a police record you know, plus outstanding fines and judgments. All he needs is a chance, just a small loan. So mother, believing in unicorns and fairies, opens a contractor’s account at Lowe’s for sister’s number one son and number one son sets out as an entrepreneur. This lasted exactly two months. During that two month period, number one son rolls up $16,500 in charges, net due in 30 days. Mother senses trouble when she sees over $5,000 in charges for gift cards. Gift cards to Eagle, to Amazon, to Old Navy…..and so on. And another $5000 in tools; two and three sets of everything, tools for all. Mother can’t pay; she is on a fixed income and does not have that kind of money. Mothers C.D. was used as a down payment on sister’s house. Mother cancels the account before this really gets out of hand. Mother didn’t tell brother that there was a $16,500 debt until brother listed the apartment. By then the debt had gone to collection and mother was about to be sued. The ensuing judgment would have busted her financially; sending her into bankruptcy. Brother pulled together the money, the $16,500 and paid off the debt. I remember texting with sister during this period. I ask if she knew about the charges; she replied she knew and that both number one son and mother were over 30, they were old enough to know what was going on; it mothers problem. When brother texted sister that once the apartment sold, brother would only pay off her mortgage ‘minus’ the $16,500 and that she would have to barrow that amount to claim ownership of her house in South Carolina, sister became very, very, angry. Sister texted various curse words to brother and attempted to call on more than several occasions. Sister calls mother and tells her to sell fathers older Porsche, it would pay the debt. Unfortunately that model Porsche, more Volkswagen than not, has relatively little value; less than one quarter of the $16,500. Brother texts sister and tells her the car is not being sold and gives sister a simple choice; “barrow the money and pay for your number one son’s lack of concern and skullduggery toward your mother or mother walks from the mortgage and you end up in a foreclosure nightmare”. Brother continues this text session to sister; “under foreclosure, you could probably live there for free up to a year but eventually the bank will evict you and own that property; I just in want my $16,500 back”. Sister is a low life and so are her sons in mother’s eyes, sister is Bad Luck.
In the end, brother sells the apartment, recovers his $16,500. Brother is still depositing $1000 per month in mothers account to get it back up to 10 or $12,000 as a buffer for incidentals. Brother will move mother to Washington, sell the house in N.Y. and buy her a condominium, if that is mothers desire. Brother will end all communication with sister until mother passes. Then brother will only text sister the funeral arrangements. They will be in N.Y. and mother will be interned next to father when that time comes. Maybe sister will pay last respects; probably not. Whatever money or property is left from mother, brother will split 50/50 and send sister a certified check. Hopefully sister has found someone to lend her that $16,500. I would hate to send a certified check to; Care of General Delivery, under the I-95 Bridge, Someplace South Carolina. Sister is a low life and so are her sons in brother’s eyes, sister is Bad Luck.
P.S. Brother’s daughter will end up with fathers older Porsche, the one that is more Volkswagen than not.
P.S.S. Sisters number one son’s first child is living in foster care. The baby momma and the number one son were deemed unfit to raise that child. Thank you good taxpayers of Florida for taking on that responsibility.
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